The next few weeks could be pivotal in our nation's history. We are witnessing two epic court battles taking place this week and next. Today the Supreme Court heard the case regarding California's Proposition 8, the one that banned gay marriage in my state back in 2008, when it wasn't my state. Then I still lived in Ohio, home to most Wiccans in the country and yet, continues to be one of the states that hasn't yet allowed same sex unions.
No let's try to understand something here. Pro gay marriage/same sex unions or not, there is something everybody needs to remember about how the institution of marriage came about. Those opposed to gay marriage claim it was a gift from God, that it is a religious right, that is for the procreation of children. I understand why you must believe that, even I was trained by society and religion to believe that way.
Growing up I could never understand why a person would be unloved by the being that created him. As an artist I was often told to "kill your babies." In this case I was the creator and my babies were my pieces of art. There is NOTHING that hurts more than to destroy, change, or hide from the light of day that which my own hands brought to life. Some of those art pieces have found a new life in other works or because my Mom loves to brag about her kids.
Considered at the level of humanity... The idea of hiding a person because she is flawed at first glance is horrifying. To ask a person to change what makes him unique and special, just as bad a prospect. Those self same people that refuse to grant the privileges they themselves enjoy are just as bad as those that hide a child because of her perceived deformities. It is one of many ways to say "I'm better than you." This battle keeps being fought over and over again. A real shame we haven't learned from the past.
Now, for what has inspired me to write this inflammatory blog instead of my usual periodic piece about movies and movie making. For those that know me personally, you know how hard it was for me to accept marriage and all its trappings. I went so far as to tell my husband, before we married, that I was not going to allow my Dad to walk me down the aisle. My husband was horrified and refused to marry me if I did not allow my father that special privilege. What followed was one of our most memorable arguments, at least for me. I accepted his proposal for many reason, not the least of which were the legal, finacial, and social protections granted by entering into this contract. It also made him happy, a significant consideration as it is for many couples.
You may think it was crazy for me to make that statement but my reasoning is this: Before the time of God, before the Bible and many other religious works were written society was developing. Within that society children were bartering chips. They were used to cement social contracts between families and tribes. When that wasn't enough, goods and property were attached to cement the contract or to make a proposed contact more advantageous for both parties. Now for my particular dislike of the institution. Eventually, girls were so devalued in this patriarchal society that they needed dowries before a man of good standing would consider her as a wife. In a sense a man was bribed to accept a girl into his family and that same girl was sold by her family for social/financial/political reasons.
This "God given Sacrament" or the Genesis chapter, often quoted in marriage ceremonies, that claims this contract as one granted by a supreme being for the single purpose of bringing children into our world was written in a time when women had very little power over their destinies. I honestly feel that these beliefs stemmed from loving fathers attempting to calm their children's fears. Now we understand that women can write their own contracts and parents aren't as intrinsically involved in marriage contracts.
Gay/ same sex couples are being denied by much of our country the social rights and legal responsibilities granted to married heterosexual couples. Those social, financial, and legal rights and responsibilities are what give the institution of marriage it's significance. So why can't we as a nation define marriage as what it really is, a social/political/economic contract between two individuals with all the rights and responsibilities covered by it. Religious views have no bearing on this in THIS country, otherwise such contracts could ONLY be entered into with a religious figure standing as witness or conducting the verbal portion of the contract.
After all, why shouldn't gay couples reap all the benefits and heartaches that come with marriage? A lot of heterosexual marriages result in broken contracts, in divorces, that damage both individuals and any offspring. Why should we deny the father of a gay child the privilege of walking that child down the aisle and standing witness to a contract born from love and genuine respect for another person. And better still, how about the pitfalls of bringing two families together? I dearly hope the supreme law of our land defines marriage appropriately and saves my country from the bloodshed, fear, and anger that was required before Civil Rights were defined.
